I'm tired of distant communication I'm tired of everyone avoiding eye contact I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of wondering when my life will resume I'm tired of wondering where I'll be a month from now I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of waiting for something to change I'm tired of feeling trapped, … Continue reading I’m tired.
Author: carlykaxt
The product of childhood neglect; a pretty accurate Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis; a Theravada Buddhist revelation; and an intense desire to express, create, connect: I am carlykaxt. Stay a while and listen.
Love Languages and Their Gradual Evolution
I read something once that said "the love language of your preference is what you didn't receive when you were younger." I found this interesting but, not to dump on my family too hard, I lowkey feel like I didn't receive a whole lot of anything as a kid so it's pretty hard for me … Continue reading Love Languages and Their Gradual Evolution
Religion, Astrology, and Taking Comfort in “Illogical” Things
Some people have religion. I have astrology. As a child, I was raised vaguely Catholic. I say vaguely because my Uncle Jim and my grandmother D-D took it quite seriously whereas it was pretty much a non-issue at home. However, spending summers at either my uncle or grandma's house meant that for approximately three months … Continue reading Religion, Astrology, and Taking Comfort in “Illogical” Things
Yet another thing about COVID-19!! What a surprise!!!
It's bizarre to think that only a week ago, COVID-19 was a relatively small blip on my radar. I was aware of it but didn't think that it would really affect me personally. Now it's everywhere you look - every business you've ever forgotten you subscribed to has sent an email, schools are closing, store … Continue reading Yet another thing about COVID-19!! What a surprise!!!
The Evolution Of My Panic Attacks
TW: I actually found *myself* triggered as I wrote about this topic which is partially why it's late. This took several sessions to sit down and write. If you are sensitive like me and particularly prone to anxiety/panic when reading specific descriptions of the symptoms, maybe consider skipping this one. At least stay in tune … Continue reading The Evolution Of My Panic Attacks
The Necessity of Boundaries
“Intimacy is impossible without boundaries because if I don’t tell you what’s not okay for me, if I am afraid to say no, then I can’t actually be fully present. I can’t receive what you want to give me because I feel like I need to be dishonest or I have to betray myself in … Continue reading The Necessity of Boundaries
Highly Sensitive Person Alert! HSP IS NOT BULLSHIT!!!
Last summer, I had the incredible blessing of being near home for the summer - to make it even better, Nicholas and I were able to visit our hometown and spend the Fourth of July holiday with our best friends. Looking back on it now, I can better appreciate how blessed we were to have … Continue reading Highly Sensitive Person Alert! HSP IS NOT BULLSHIT!!!
Fuck Spectator Society
I’m that person who comments on every Instagram post, responds to your Snap story, and texts you after I read important posts. You know why? Because too many times I have poured my heart out online only to be met by a few paltry Likes or, worse yet, silence. I've been thinking about what I … Continue reading Fuck Spectator Society
One Year After My Silent Meditation Retreat
In the Midwest, when the sun punches through months-long grey skies and warms the earth to a tepid 48 degrees Fahrenheit, thousands of previously hibernating humans crawl out from their shelters and brave the outdoors to embrace it. We roll our car windows down, don light jackets, and ignore our bright pink faces protesting against … Continue reading One Year After My Silent Meditation Retreat
Mental Health and Medication
In the span of less than seven days, I started a new medication, lowkey lost my mind, stopped the medication, and went back to normal. Brains are funny like that. In the extremely inexact science of antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and more, it's difficult to say with any degree of certainty how each individual will react … Continue reading Mental Health and Medication
