About three years ago, I began a meditation practice. This practice went hand-in-hand with my burgeoning Buddhism, the particular sect of which I prefer Theravāda. At my core, I am still a Buddhist - I believe enlightenment is possible and that the most direct route to free one from suffering is through meditation. Sometimes I… Continue reading Buddhism vs. Witchcraft
Author: carlykaxt
The product of childhood neglect; a pretty accurate Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis; a Theravada Buddhist revelation; and an intense desire to express, create, connect: I am carlykaxt. Stay a while and listen.
Let’s be selfish together
Have you taken some time to be incredibly selfish lately? The past few weeks, I've been busting my ass finishing writing my first novel and studying for my Information Systems CLEP (College Level Examination Program). Basically it's like testing out of a class for college credit. I successfully passed my CLEP, wrote the conclusion of… Continue reading Let’s be selfish together
Please don’t kill your family.
Anyone who knows me knows that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. The colonial aspect of it is pretty gross and now companies are trying to infringe on its sacredness by starting Black Friday sales on the actual day of Thanksgiving (I can't eat turkey but still, #RespectTheBird ffs), but aside from these influences, the core… Continue reading Please don’t kill your family.
Torn between two desires
Not too terribly long ago, I channeled my inner Gryffindor (RIP JK Rowling), and boarded a plane during a pandemic and flew to the midwest. After quarantining in Indiana, I made my way up to Michigan for my best friend's wedding. Following my two weeks there, I went back down to Indiana to hang out… Continue reading Torn between two desires
I had a small mental breakdown in a pumpkin patch
I generally exist more on the anxiety side of the unstable moods spectrum but recently I've been spending a bit more time depressed. Maybe the shift was because the early part of my life was so heavily characterized by depression and suicidal idealization that I've kind of figured out how to deal with it a… Continue reading I had a small mental breakdown in a pumpkin patch
I spent nine months sober and I wasn’t pregnant. Maybe you should, too.
TW: self harm & substance use Who drinks champagne straight from the bottle??? Not that guy. It's the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I'm at my in-law's house, getting my mother ready to move into her own apartment and out of their spare bedroom. The air is cool and as much of a Michigander as I am,… Continue reading I spent nine months sober and I wasn’t pregnant. Maybe you should, too.
The last thing you’ll need to read about voting in 2020
I’m not here to tell you to register to vote. I’m not here to help you find your polling place. Every goddamn app and website you use is already giving you the tools to do both of those things if you haven’t already. Shit, I’ve already dropped my absentee ballot off at my city clerk’s… Continue reading The last thing you’ll need to read about voting in 2020
Too Soft To Live, Too Scared To Die
Against my better judgement, I went to Starbucks. It's Double Stars Day! my notification informed me cheerily. I had intended to go through a drive through - I even thought to myself, "is Google taking me to one with a drive through? Maybe I should check," - but as always whenever I ignore my intuition,… Continue reading Too Soft To Live, Too Scared To Die
I’m tired.
I'm tired of distant communication I'm tired of everyone avoiding eye contact I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of wondering when my life will resume I'm tired of wondering where I'll be a month from now I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of waiting for something to change I'm tired of feeling trapped,… Continue reading I’m tired.
Love Languages and Their Gradual Evolution
I read something once that said "the love language of your preference is what you didn't receive when you were younger." I found this interesting but, not to dump on my family too hard, I lowkey feel like I didn't receive a whole lot of anything as a kid so it's pretty hard for me… Continue reading Love Languages and Their Gradual Evolution
