depression · Patreon · polyamory · substance use

(2020) Non-monogamy; or, how it was being married but dating other people at the same time

About a year ago, I had a husband and a boyfriend. They both knew about one another and I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. Except for when my husband went out on a date with another woman. That day I decided to see what the barrel of a 9mm handgun tasted like.

depression · mental health · personal · self care

Does this sound like you?

There are dishes covering every open inch of counterspace, filling the sink, stacked on the stove. Three full bags of trash are waiting to be taken out. The laundry lays crumpled in the basket from three days ago - it's laundry day again. There's garbage strewn about the floor. The cat's bowl needs water. We're out of towels. And I can hardly get out of bed. How did it get like this?

adhd · mental health · personal

ADHD Trait: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

I begun 2021 by having a lowkey mental breakdown. Yesterday was my first critique with my virtual writing group. My first writing critique ever in fact. I was very nervous but also excited! There's no faster way to get better at writing than to get some criticism from fellow writers. Unfortunately, having been called "prolific"… Continue reading ADHD Trait: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

anxiety · buddhism · depression · mental health · personal · self care · Self Improvement · trauma

My journey through trauma

CW: trauma, self harm, substance use I was meditating in the tub when I began to find myself drawn to imagining my chakras. I'm going to make the assumption that everyone has a vague understanding of what the chakras are thanks to its westernization by the white women of America (trust me, the irony is… Continue reading My journey through trauma

depression · personal

I had a small mental breakdown in a pumpkin patch

I generally exist more on the anxiety side of the unstable moods spectrum but recently I've been spending a bit more time depressed. Maybe the shift was because the early part of my life was so heavily characterized by depression and suicidal idealization that I've kind of figured out how to deal with it a… Continue reading I had a small mental breakdown in a pumpkin patch

substance use

I spent nine months sober and I wasn’t pregnant. Maybe you should, too.

TW: self harm & substance use Who drinks champagne straight from the bottle??? Not that guy. It's the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I'm at my in-law's house, getting my mother ready to move into her own apartment and out of their spare bedroom. The air is cool and as much of a Michigander as I am,… Continue reading I spent nine months sober and I wasn’t pregnant. Maybe you should, too.

anxiety · mental health

The Evolution Of My Panic Attacks

TW: I actually found *myself* triggered as I wrote about this topic which is partially why it's late. This took several sessions to sit down and write. If you are sensitive like me and particularly prone to anxiety/panic when reading specific descriptions of the symptoms, maybe consider skipping this one. At least stay in tune… Continue reading The Evolution Of My Panic Attacks

anxiety · bpd · mental health · mindfulness

Highly Sensitive Person Alert! HSP IS NOT BULLSHIT!!!

Last summer, I had the incredible blessing of being near home for the summer - to make it even better, Nicholas and I were able to visit our hometown and spend the Fourth of July holiday with our best friends. Looking back on it now, I can better appreciate how blessed we were to have… Continue reading Highly Sensitive Person Alert! HSP IS NOT BULLSHIT!!!