When I was 21, I tripped harder than I ever have in my life by snorting two hits of 2C-B. It began with Nicholas and I highkey losing our shit (figuratively and literally), then clutching each other on the floor like scared, naked children. After the initial intensity of it was smoothed out (our dealer … Continue reading Lloyd.
The past week has been... a ride. It reminded me that recovery is far from linear, and things might set you back, but all you can do is keep moving forward. One of the more notable things that has happened is my recent contact with my ex, Pisces. Our conversations have been cordial with some … Continue reading Mental Health Progress is Not a Straight Line
When I was around 16, I started using the Holy Trinity of introductory drugs: alcohol, nicotine, and marijuana. In the beginning, it was pretty few and far between. When I graduated high school, I had my first of many summers that I would later barely recall due to being in a nearly permanent inebriated state. … Continue reading The Dark Side of Marijuana (and other drugs I’ve tried)
In February, I boarded a plane to Massachusetts and began a nearly week long silent retreat at the Insight Meditation Society. I was at the peak of my meditative practice at this point, sitting every day for usually thirty minutes. Of course, this was nowhere near the minimum eight hours a day I would spend … Continue reading Six Months After My Silent Meditation Retreat
Recently, I started taking Lexapro again a little over a year after I stopped taking them. This time last year, I had tapered off of a 20 mg prescription that I was on for about three years. When I first started taking it, my reasoning was similar to why I started it again this time: … Continue reading “I caved in” and other harmful phrases used by our internal dialogue
The past 24 hours have been... immeasurably difficult. Last night, I had a panic attack after having some very uncomfortable and never-before-felt chest pain out of absolutely fucking nowhere. I took my blood pressure and the measurement was the highest it's ever been - like, cardiac event high. This, unsurprisingly, scared the shit out of … Continue reading Barely Holding It Together