TW: discussion of eating disordersIn a sea of unavoidable "omg I'm gonna eat nothing but bananas and lose, like, so much weight!" posts during this time of year, let me be the light of common sense. Or at least some kind of rebellion against hating yourself so much that starving seems like a good idea.… Continue reading Happy New Year! Diet Culture Still Sucks!!
Saturday, October 08, 2016 The past two weeks, I have had to push myself well beyond my comfortable limits. I truly dealt with the repercussions of this last night, when I was woken up out of a dead sleep by a sensation I can only describe as my arm being pulled out of its socket.… Continue reading Can’t Versus Won’t: Thoughts on Spoon Theory
The past week has been... a ride. It reminded me that recovery is far from linear, and things might set you back, but all you can do is keep moving forward. One of the more notable things that has happened is my recent contact with my ex, Pisces. Our conversations have been cordial with some… Continue reading Mental Health Progress is Not a Straight Line
For my American readers, this week is home to my favorite holiday of them all: Thanksgiving. If you were unaware, my religious affiliation is vaguely Buddhist with a side of "I don't really care, God probably isn't real, but if that makes you happy that's cool". This is one of the major reasons Christmas isn't… Continue reading Gratitude should come more than once a year
I'm a picker. Even when I'm not stressed but especially when I'm stressed, I pick at everything. Acne on my face, hangnails on my fingers, hairs on my chin, the goop in the corner of my cat's eye, the tiny spot of adhesive left after you peel a sticker, the lint off of your shoulder,… Continue reading Coping Mechanisms. Or Lack Thereof.
OR: Why I'm obsessed with every person i meet I had a revelation this morning that I think I've probably seen before in myself but refused to really look in the eyes. My words exactly, confided to my best friends and now shared with the internet: "Growing up is accepting that my borderline brain will… Continue reading BPD Traits: Difficulty Being Alone & Image Instability
When I was around 16, I started using the Holy Trinity of introductory drugs: alcohol, nicotine, and marijuana. In the beginning, it was pretty few and far between. When I graduated high school, I had my first of many summers that I would later barely recall due to being in a nearly permanent inebriated state.… Continue reading The Dark Side of Marijuana (and other drugs I’ve tried)
In February, I boarded a plane to Massachusetts and began a nearly week long silent retreat at the Insight Meditation Society. I was at the peak of my meditative practice at this point, sitting every day for usually thirty minutes. Of course, this was nowhere near the minimum eight hours a day I would spend… Continue reading Six Months After My Silent Meditation Retreat
Recently, I started taking Lexapro again a little over a year after I stopped taking them. This time last year, I had tapered off of a 20 mg prescription that I was on for about three years. When I first started taking it, my reasoning was similar to why I started it again this time:… Continue reading “I caved in” and other harmful phrases used by our internal dialogue
The past 24 hours have been... immeasurably difficult. Last night, I had a panic attack after having some very uncomfortable and never-before-felt chest pain out of absolutely fucking nowhere. I took my blood pressure and the measurement was the highest it's ever been - like, cardiac event high. This, unsurprisingly, scared the shit out of… Continue reading Barely Holding It Together