Coping Mechanisms. Or Lack Thereof.

I'm a picker. Even when I'm not stressed but especially when I'm stressed, I pick at everything. Acne on my face, hangnails on my fingers, hairs on my chin, the goop in the corner of my cat's eye, the tiny spot of adhesive left after you peel a sticker, the lint off of your shoulder, … Continue reading Coping Mechanisms. Or Lack Thereof.

BPD Traits: Difficulty Being Alone & Image Instability

OR: Why I'm obsessed with every person i meet I had a revelation this morning that I think I've probably seen before in myself but refused to really look in the eyes. My words exactly, confided to my best friends and now shared with the internet: "Growing up is accepting that my borderline brain will … Continue reading BPD Traits: Difficulty Being Alone & Image Instability

The Dark Side of Marijuana (and other drugs I’ve tried)

When I was around 16, I started using the Holy Trinity of introductory drugs: alcohol, nicotine, and marijuana. In the beginning, it was pretty few and far between. When I graduated high school, I had my first of many summers that I would later barely recall due to being in a nearly permanent inebriated state. … Continue reading The Dark Side of Marijuana (and other drugs I’ve tried)

Six Months After My Silent Meditation Retreat

In February, I boarded a plane to Massachusetts and began a nearly week long silent retreat at the Insight Meditation Society. I was at the peak of my meditative practice at this point, sitting every day for usually thirty minutes. Of course, this was nowhere near the minimum eight hours a day I would spend … Continue reading Six Months After My Silent Meditation Retreat

“I caved in” and other harmful phrases used by our internal dialogue

Recently, I started taking Lexapro again a little over a year after I stopped taking them. This time last year, I had tapered off of a 20 mg prescription that I was on for about three years. When I first started taking it, my reasoning was similar to why I started it again this time: … Continue reading “I caved in” and other harmful phrases used by our internal dialogue

Barely Holding It Together

The past 24 hours have been... immeasurably difficult. Last night, I had a panic attack after having some very uncomfortable and never-before-felt chest pain out of absolutely fucking nowhere. I took my blood pressure and the measurement was the highest it's ever been - like, cardiac event high. This, unsurprisingly, scared the shit out of … Continue reading Barely Holding It Together

Buddhism vs. Borderline Personality Disorder

Happy (?) Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Awareness Month, gang! Did you know it's also my birth month? Because of course these things are within the same month c;I had begun to write a nice little "what BPD looks like" post to give you guys some behaviors, thought processes, and tendencies to look out for - … Continue reading Buddhism vs. Borderline Personality Disorder