Too Soft To Live, Too Scared To Die

Against my better judgement, I went to Starbucks. It's Double Stars Day! my notification informed me cheerily. I had intended to go through a drive through - I even thought to myself, "is Google taking me to one with a drive through? Maybe I should check," - but as always whenever I ignore my intuition, … Continue reading Too Soft To Live, Too Scared To Die

I’m tired.

I'm tired of distant communication I'm tired of everyone avoiding eye contact I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of wondering when my life will resume I'm tired of wondering where I'll be a month from now I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of waiting for something to change I'm tired of feeling trapped, … Continue reading I’m tired.

Religion, Astrology, and Taking Comfort in “Illogical” Things

Some people have religion. I have astrology. As a child, I was raised vaguely Catholic. I say vaguely because my Uncle Jim and my grandmother D-D took it quite seriously whereas it was pretty much a non-issue at home. However, spending summers at either my uncle or grandma's house meant that for approximately three months … Continue reading Religion, Astrology, and Taking Comfort in “Illogical” Things

The Necessity of Boundaries

“Intimacy is impossible without boundaries because if I don’t tell you what’s not okay for me, if I am afraid to say no, then I can’t actually be fully present. I can’t receive what you want to give me because I feel like I need to be dishonest or I have to betray myself in … Continue reading The Necessity of Boundaries

Fuck Spectator Society

I’m that person who comments on every Instagram post, responds to your Snap story, and texts you after I read important posts. You know why? Because too many times I have poured my heart out online only to be met by a few paltry Likes or, worse yet, silence. I've been thinking about what I … Continue reading Fuck Spectator Society

“I have trouble interpreting neutral emotions because I don’t experience neutral emotions.”

This sentence, said aloud to my husband probably around midnight last night, was a revelation to me. We've been together now for just about a full decade and it took me this long to recognize and understand this very fundamental difference between us. I could turn this into a post about borderline personality disorder (BPD); … Continue reading “I have trouble interpreting neutral emotions because I don’t experience neutral emotions.”

Lloyd.

When I was 21, I tripped harder than I ever have in my life by snorting two hits of 2C-B. It began with Nicholas and I highkey losing our shit (figuratively and literally), then clutching each other on the floor like scared, naked children. After the initial intensity of it was smoothed out (our dealer … Continue reading Lloyd.

OMG IT’S THE END OF A DECADE *GUNSHOTS* *CASH REGISTER NOISE*

Listen, I am a woman who hoards data as if it's a competitive sport. My tendency to meander through old chat logs, screenshots, and Snap stories is unparalleled among anyone I know. It's been somewhat of a journey for me to learn how to let go of the past and just exist in the present. … Continue reading OMG IT’S THE END OF A DECADE *GUNSHOTS* *CASH REGISTER NOISE*

2019 Resolution Review

2019 Resolutions: Hard Copy So you probably already know by now that I'm kind of big into goals. Hell, I made a whole post last December about SMART goals in reference to making resolutions you might actually achieve. I took my own advice of course at applied all those principles towards my very own list … Continue reading 2019 Resolution Review

I have decided to be very candid about my life right now

OR: Is it the BPD or should I be keeping better tabs on my astrology? I don't know but I fucking exhausted, y'all. TW: Self INJURY for real though, my nails are here to stop you in case reading about me cutting might trigger you and cause you to cut. it's not worth it, okay? … Continue reading I have decided to be very candid about my life right now