The moment that pulled the trigger on my panic disorder was an intense trip on 2C-B (a research chemical similar to LSD). Life hack: if you have to snort the psychedelic, don't.
The past week has been... a ride. It reminded me that recovery is far from linear, and things might set you back, but all you can do is keep moving forward. One of the more notable things that has happened is my recent contact with my ex, Pisces. Our conversations have been cordial with some… Continue reading Mental Health Progress is Not a Straight Line
Recently, I started taking Lexapro again a little over a year after I stopped taking them. This time last year, I had tapered off of a 20 mg prescription that I was on for about three years. When I first started taking it, my reasoning was similar to why I started it again this time:… Continue reading “I caved in” and other harmful phrases used by our internal dialogue
The past 24 hours have been... immeasurably difficult. Last night, I had a panic attack after having some very uncomfortable and never-before-felt chest pain out of absolutely fucking nowhere. I took my blood pressure and the measurement was the highest it's ever been - like, cardiac event high. This, unsurprisingly, scared the shit out of… Continue reading Barely Holding It Together
Right now, I’m standing in the middle of an abandoned highway. The headlights on the horizon are unmistakable - my depression, barreling towards me at a blinding 100 mph. On the other side, a pair of tail lights are all that’s left of my anxiety, retreating into the darkness. I’m clutching a prescription for Ativan and discharge papers that say the same shit as every other time I’ve made my husband sit in a sterile room into the wee hours of the night with me - “ANXIETY DISORDER UNSPECIFIED”.